The Civilized God

Below, I present for your reading pleasure the “inerrant words of God” as copied from the King James Bible…the most inerrant book on the earth. :0

This is the Word of God
Mark 16:17-18 (King James Version)
“17And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues; 18They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.”
If you’re a believer, you can fondle rattlesnakes and drink poison

Thus saith the Lord
Exodus 21:20-21 (King James Version)
“20And if a man smite his servant, or his maid, with a rod, and he die under his hand; he shall be surely punished. 21Notwithstanding, if he continue a day or two, he shall not be punished: for he is his money.”
You may beat them, just don’t kill them.”

Thus saith the Lord God of Israel
Exodus 32:27-28 (King James Version)
“27And he said unto them, Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, Put every man his sword by his side, and go in and out from gate to gate throughout the camp, and slay every man his brother, and every man his companion, and every man his neighbor. 28And the children of Levi did according to the word of Moses: and there fell of the people that day about three thousand men.”

The Word of God
Leviticus 26:22 (King James Version)
“22 I will also send wild beasts among you, which shall rob you of your children, and destroy your cattle, and make you few in number; and your high ways shall be desolate.”

Also the Word of God
Leviticus 26:29 (King James Version)
” 29And ye shall eat the flesh of your sons and the flesh of your daughters shall ye eat.”

The Lord Harkened
Numbers 21:3 (King James Version)
“3And the LORD hearkened to the voice of Israel, and delivered up the Canaanites; and they utterly destroyed them and their cities: and he called the name of the place Hormah.”
Sounds like genocide to me.

A plague from the Lord
Numbers 25:9 (King James Version)
“9And those that died in the plague were twenty and four thousand.”

Saith the Lord
Numbers 31:17-18, 35 (King James Version)
“17Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him. 18But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves.
35And thirty and two thousand persons in all, of women that had not known man by lying with him.”
Yummm…young virgins.

And the Lord our God delivered
Deuteronomy 2:33-34 (King James Version)
“33And the LORD our God delivered him before us; and we smote him, and his sons, and all his people. 34 And we took all his cities at that time, and utterly destroyed the men, and the women, and the little ones, of every city, we left none to remain:” Genocide again?

God delivers the Og’s
Deuteronomy 3:6 (King James Version)
“ 6And we utterly destroyed them, as we did unto Sihon king of Heshbon, utterly destroying the men, women, and children, of every city.”

The Lord thy God: Show no mercy
Deuteronomy 7:2 (King James Version)
“ 2And when the LORD thy God shall deliver them before thee; thou shalt smite them, and utterly destroy them; thou shalt make no covenant with them, nor shew mercy unto them:”

The Lord saith: Nothing left that breaths
Deuteronomy 20:16 (King James Version)
“6 But of the cities of these people, which the LORD thy God doth give thee for an inheritance, thou shalt save alive nothing that breatheth:”
Is it just me, or does this sound like a sad excuse for killing people to take their land? The Lord made me do it.

The spoils of war. Saith the Lord
Deuteronomy 21:10-13 (King James Version)
“10When thou goest forth to war against thine enemies, and the LORD thy God hath delivered them into thine hands, and thou hast taken them captive, 11And seest among the captives a beautiful woman, and hast a desire unto her, that thou wouldest have her to thy wife; 12Then thou shalt bring her home to thine house, and she shall shave her head, and pare her nails; 13And she shall put the raiment of her captivity from off her, and shall remain in thine house, and bewail her father and her mother a full month: and after that thou shalt go in unto her, and be her husband, and she shall be thy wife.” This is called rape by civilized peoples.

With the Lords approval
Joshua 6:21-27 (King James Version)
“ 21And they utterly destroyed all that was in the city, both man and woman, young and old, and ox, and sheep, and ass, with the edge of the sword.”

Also with the Lords approval
Joshua 8:23-25 (King James Version)
23And the king of Ai they took alive, and brought him to Joshua.  24And it came to pass, when Israel had made an end of slaying all the inhabitants of Ai in the field, in the wilderness wherein they chased them, and when they were all fallen on the edge of the sword, until they were consumed, that all the Israelites returned unto Ai, and smote it with the edge of the sword.
25And so it was, that all that fell that day, both of men and women, were twelve thousand, even all the men of Ai.

With the Lords approval
Joshua 10:40 (King James Version)
“40 So Joshua smote all the country of the hills, and of the south, and of the vale, and of the springs, and all their kings: he left none remaining, but utterly destroyed all that breathed, as the LORD God of Israel commanded.”
There’s that Genocide thing again.

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